


Jacoffel

by dandelionquartz



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: But here we go!, Domestic Fluff, Gay tension, Homoeroticism, Idiots in Love, Jacoffel - Freeform, M/M, Mildly Suggestive, Sexual Tension, eiffel is bi, gay domesticity, gay fluff, i'll never finish this lol, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:54:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22193626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dandelionquartz/pseuds/dandelionquartz
Summary: Now, you can’t really say that Jacobi has low standards. It’s not his standards that are awful, it’s his taste. And his taste in men can best be described as… idiots. Affectionately labelled so, but still very much idiots.Eiffel is about as big of an idiot as they come.
Relationships: Doug Eiffel & Daniel Jacobi, Doug Eiffel/Daniel Jacobi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 65





	Jacoffel

**Author's Note:**

> jacoffel bc im awful and theyre lame enough that i hate/love them  
> all from Jacobi's POV bc i can't write Eiffel's headspace very well (...yet)

Soft morning light streams into the small bedroom, washing over tangled sheets and a mess of arms and legs. Two men share the mattress on the floor of their rented apartment, sheets and pillows tossed around them haphazardly.   
Daniel Jacobi wakes up first, stretching slightly, and reaching over to the floor beside him for his glasses. He puts them on lopsided, rushing slightly. He still can't believe it. He's still scared to make any sudden movements in case the man draped over him disappears and he'll realize that this has all just been one long paradisacal dream. One that would be absolutely wild, but sure, he wouldn't put it past himself to dream it up. His subconscious has been meaner to him than this.

He sneezes.

And freezes.

But nothing happens, except for a sleepy, messy haired - not that that's unusual - Doug Eiffel opens his eyes blearily to look up into Jacobi's face. No one disappears, Jacobi doesn't jerk into another world, and everything continues as it has for the last few weeks.

"Oh, gross, dude! Did you just sneeze on me?" Eiffel squirms out of Jacobi's arms in disgust.

Just another average morning in the Jacoffel apartment.

-

He still wonders how he ended up with Doug, if he's honest. Maxwell's never commented on his past boyfriends and flings, but he sees how she smirks when she sees how each one comes and goes and what they all have in common.  
Now, you can't really say that Jacobi has low standards. It's not his standards that affect who he ends up with, it's his taste. And his taste in men is... idiots. Affectionately labeled so, but still very much idiots.

Eiffel is about as big of an idiot as they come.

Maxwell had nothing to say about the matter, really. Well, only because you can't classify laughing like a maniac as "saying" something. Jacobi had avoided telling her, even just admitting it to himself, for as long as he possibly could. But eventually he started to notice the funny feeling he got in his chest whenever Eiffel tripped past him, and after that, it was only a matter of time before Maxwell noticed him acting off whenever he was around Eiffel. It manifested as unexplained annoyance and irritability directed at Eiffel at first, and even Jacobi couldn't figure out why he was always so short with the communications officer. After a particularly cutting remark, Eiffel confronted him about it. The tension in the air was... interesting. At least, on Jacobi's part. Doug was, as usual, oblivious to the finer details of the situation.

The frizzy haired man had stood up abruptly from his chair, and shoved a shocked Jacobi into the wall. "Do you have a problem with me, dude? What's your deal?" Eiffel said, exasperated and fed up.

Daniel could only stare wide-eyed at him, never expecting Doug to ever actually confront him.

"What the hell, man! Every time you're around me, you always have something snarky to say, or some quip about what a useless idiot I am!"

And oh, how Jacobi adores useless idiots.

"Now that I'm actually annoyed with you, you've got nothing? I'm finally going all [insert something here] on your ass, and you're just going to stand there, staring at me?"

Jacobi couldn't stop himself from gaping. He had no idea how to navigate this. All he could focus on was how Eiffel's hair was coming out of its ponytail, framing his face and sticking up here and there wildly. His face was pink with indignation, and the fact that he was standing up for himself like this? It turned Jacobi on like hell. He couldn't move, stuck against the wall Eiffel had slammed him against.

Eiffel shook his head, dragging a hand down his face, exasperated with the whole situation. "Whatever, man. Just leave me alone, okay?"

Eiffel turned away, and took a step, and that kickstarted Daniel's brain. "Wait!" he finally sputtered out.

Doug turned back, a disdainful eyebrow raised. "What?"

Jacobi's brain wasn't working properly. Maxwell's voice in his head laughs at him, saying that he's probably the only human capable of actually short-circuiting. No training had ever prepared him for anything like this!

"What is it, Jacobi! Hera, can you like, kick him out or something? Are his vitals alright? Did I knock his voice box out of wack or would that just be too lucky?"

Hera's voice filled the room. "No, Officer Eiffel, he can still talk. His vitals are nominal, except for his pulse and temperature. Maybe he has a fever. But that doesn't seem quite right... Let me just search through my medical databases."

Jacobi felt his face grow even redder, something he didn't think was possible. Hera would figure out what's going on any minute, and Jacobi still hadn't said anything. God, he's such a fool. None of the training he's ever done has prepared him for something like that. How could it? He was stuck up in space with a handful of people, people he doesn't even really like - except for Maxwell... well, now that he thought about it, Maxwell's complicated... but anyways - He was surrounded by people he doesn't even like and now he'd been cornered by the communications officer who speaks only in references and who he incidentally has fallen for. Wack.

Hera's voice came back. "Uhh, Officer Eiffel? I uh may h-have figured it out..."

Shit. Shit shit shit. Jacobi did the only thing left in his brain: He grabbed Eiffel by the front of his tanktop, pulled him in close, and smashed his face against the other man's.

Eiffel flipped out.

-

One bloodied lip and a couple bruises later, Eiffel and Jacobi were sitting on the ground, five feet apart, facing each other.

"What the fuck was that, dude!! You don't just go and like... punch my face with your face!! That's just not a thing you do!!" Eiffel swung his arms around wildly. Jacobi longed to just grab those unexpectedly muscled arms and hold them behind Eiffel as he did what he liked.

"Well," Jacobi started, gathering his thoughts, "I did what any sane man would do in my situation."

"Situation???" Doug practically shrieked.

"Y'know," Jacobi paused a moment, smirking slightly and tilting his head to the side. He was back in control. "One man yelling at another, pushing him against the wall, the other unable to think straight. Because he's gay as hell. Did you not feel the sexual tension in the air, Doug? God, you must be dumber than I thought."

Doug's jaw dropped.

"Careful there, Douggy boy, or I might just have to close that mouth of yours for you." Jacobi winked.

"I -! What? I'm -? No, I mean -!" Doug couldn't get a full sentence out. This only made Jacobi's smirk grow. Eiffel shot a glare at Jacobi. "Dude! I didn't know you were gay and you have no idea if I am, too! What if I'm straight and you just smashed my face with yours?? What the hell!!"

Jacobi rolled his eyes. "Doug. C'mon. We both know - and I'm willing to bet cold, hard cash that everyone else on this ship knows, too - that you aren't completely straight. I mean, look at you!"

Eiffel looked down at himself, confused. "What?"

Jacobi grinned. "You're not straight, Doug. Just admit it, and then we can have some fun! It's not like anyone else on the ship is going to want to smash... whatever all that is." He gestured vaguely at Eiffel.

"Hey!" Eiffel protested. "I'm not all that bad!"

Jacobi laughed. "Whatever you gotta tell yourself to get through this, bud. But seriously, can we get back to it?" He makes grabby hands at Eiffel's face and wiggles his eyebrows.

"What makes you think I want to?"

Jacobi laughed again, and rolled his eyes. "Eiffel. Doug. C'mon. Just get over yourself already. Why not have some fun? Let off a little steam? What's the harm in it?"

Eiffel screwed his face up in a confused glare, opening his mouth to say something, and then closing it again. He repeats the action, looking for all the world like a perturbed fish. Finally he let out a giant sigh, and spoke. "Fine."

Jacobi let out a snort. "Sorry?"

Eiffel glared at the ceiling of the comms room. "I said: Fine!"

"Well, gee, Eiffel, there's no need to sound so excited! If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were almost uncomfortable with the idea of making out with me!" Jacobi teased lightly. He added a bit more gently, "This is me asking you if you're sure you're okay with it. Last chance out before I 'punch your face with mine' again."

Eiffel huffed, but smiled in spite of himself. "All systems go, cap'n. Sorry your communications officer is a clown sometimes and doesn't understand how the ship works."

Jacobi laughed again before scooting over to Eiffel and leaning in for another kiss.

-

Back in the present day Jacoffel household, Eiffel is wearing pink ("they're salmon!" Jacobi would protest, laughing, but Doug knew it was all just ga(y)mes) short shorts and a guady neon green tank top with a washed out Shrek face covering the front of it. Jacobi presses a chaste kiss against the back of Eiffel's neck and Eiffel makes up two mugs of coffee.

Jacobi takes his mug from Eiffel's outstretched hand, and sits down at the table with his fidget gadget. Eiffel turns and leans against the counter, facing his boyfriend. "You have no idea how much I would pay to have had a good supply of this shit on the Hephaestus. I think I would've killed for a cup after a week of Hilbert's... chumbucket grime." Eiffel closes his eyes, and inhales overly deeply as he smells the sweet joe. He chokes on whatever air or mucus is in his way, and Jacobi grins.

 _Ah fuck. This is the hottest man alive_ , Jacobi thinks. _I really couldn't have done better._

Eiffel finishes his choking fit, and slightly raises his mug towards the man, looking up sheepishly at Jacobi with watery eyes. "Cheers," he wheezes.

Jacobi raises his mug back at Eiffel, and grins wider, not bothering to hide his snort of amusement.

They both take a deep drink from the rich cuppa, and savour the rare quiet and peaceful moment. And then Jacobi turns to work on his gadget again, while Eiffel begins rambling about something or other that he'd seen on the computer the other day. Eiffel enjoyed the idea of video games, but never seemed to actually get around to playing one. Jacobi had once challenged him to a game of Mario Kart, but Eiffel had come down with a sudden and inexplicable fever. Jacobi had managed to convince Doug to play anyways, but after two rounds, it was clear that Eiffel was much too... handicapped by his "sickness" to be any kind of real competition to anyone, even Jacobi. He also would not stop kissing any part of Jacobi within reach, which greatly distracted the both of them. They gave up their games quickly.


End file.
